planners! part 1

Every ADHDer’s holy grail: the perfect planner

The following two posts are excerpts from the “Get a goddamn planner…and use it (externalizing executive functioning)” section of my forthcoming book, Because ADHD! Sign up for the newsletter to get notified when it comes out and for other updates.**

Every time I see one of those ads on Instagram for the “Amazing new app that’s going to FINALLY ORGANIZE YOUR CHAOTIC ADHD ASS”, I can’t help but laugh to myself. On the one hand—do they not know who they’re talking to? On the other hand, yes of course they do! They know exactly who we are, and they’re banking on the fact that for us, the perfect planner or app is our holy grail. Think about it! I bet you have a little stash of planners somewhere, all bought with the full intention of using it diligently…only to give it up after a few days or weeks, never to be used again. 

Or a million to-do lists on your phone that you don’t look at, or post-it notes all over your desk that you stuck there and immediately forgot about. Or, most likely, some combination of all of them, working in some crazy system that kind of makes sense in your head but doesn’t actually work very well. But it’s the best you can do, right? 

Regardless of what system you’re using—or not using—there is a good chance you’ve been trying and failing for years to keep track of all the crap going on in your life, and not being very successful at it. We all do it. 

I have been to the other side

I am here to tell you: I figured it out. For real. How to make a day-planner actually, for real, work for me. And now that I’ve been doing it for a couple of years consistently, I honestly don’t know what I did without it…well, actually I do know exactly what I did: a whole lot of chaotic disorganized randomness. And I missed and messed up a hell of a lot of important stuff—not only because of forgetting appointments but also double or overbooking myself all the time, leading to pretty regular bailing on plans or missing deadlines or important appointments. 

Consistency: it’s not just a sea in…oh, nevermind. Just do it.

The thing about ADHD that neurotypicals don’t seem to understand is that we’re aware that we need to get organized. It’s not like we enjoy being all over the place all the time and being the butt of everyone’s jokes. We know we need to figure our shit out, and we try. Boy do we try. That’s why we all end up with this many-armed monster of various to-do lists, notes-to-selves, phone appointments, sticky-notes-on-the-screen-and-random-dates-on-the-hand, piles-of-papers-everywhere “system” that doesn’t work at all except to make us even more scattered and disorganized. If all of these “systems” are used all together but only some of the time, when we remember, the whole thing is basically useless. Why bother?

The only way planners will actually work is if you use one system, all the time, for everything. And you have to commit to really giving it a go for a full month at least, to really see if it’s something that can work for you long term.

I have had the most frustrating talks with my ADHD friends about this. They lament their disorganized lives, but when I suggest trying a new planning system, they are so committed to the one that isn’t working. “Yeah but, I have a calendar on my phone that I use,” they say, dismissively. 

“Oh? And how is that working out for you?”

I feel like most adult ADHDers have resigned themselves to nothing really working, so if what they’re doing is sort of working, it’s better than nothing and it just seems like too much work to try something different. Just one more disruption in a world of disruptions. 

I get that, believe me, because that was how I felt—just convinced that no system will ever really, you know, work. 

But it can work. If you stick to it. 

The paper vs. digital planner debate 

Oh, the age old debate of physical planners versus an app or calendar on your phone. Here’s why I think paper planners are better. 

The paper planner is yours and yours alone. “Oh, but I have a shared calendar with my family, that’s good enough,” some of you might be thinking. 

No, it is not. 

What we’re doing here is trying to focus on you for a change by taking everyone else out of the equation. Obviously if you have a family or partner you need to coordinate with them and plan and have a schedule. But it can’t also be your own daily task planner, because it’s too confusing, and guess what’s going to happen if every time you go to work on your own schedule you’re faced with family priorities? That’s right, you’re going to get distracted. 

For the sake of your ADHD management and self-reflection, you need to have your own private planner with the space to write information that’s just for you…and it’s going to be a lot of information. There just simply isn’t enough space on the family calendar.

Plus, it’s none of their business, and if you’re writing on something everyone else can see, you’re going to edit yourself.

Putting down the phone

Here’s another really good reason for using a paper planner: we’re all so attached to our phones, and ADHD adults are way more prone to addictive scrolling than NTs, because of the well-documented dopamine rewards that entice our particular brains. 

Now I ask you: how are we supposed to effectively focus on our lives, routines and health needs if the device we’re trying to do it on is in itself a tempting, distracting addiction for us? I like using a physical planner because it gets me away from my phone and using tactile materials (paper and pens) to practice my routine. 

Plus, we’re creative, free-thinking people—let there be one space in our lives where we can make our messy lists, doodle, cross things out and start over by flipping a page. You can take it with you anywhere, you don’t need a wifi connection to make it work, and the whole system doesn’t fall apart if you miss notifications because you have your phone set on silent.

Plus, planners are just cute, damn it, and businessy. Who doesn’t want to be cute and businessy?

No one. That’s who. 

The planner I use

This isn’t going to be popular, but the planner I use (after trying many) is a nice thick one, not too big, that I picked up at **A CERTAIN BOX STORE THAT RHYMES WITH FLOXBART** for ten dollars. They’re always in stock, they’re basic and cheap. Sorry, I don’t shop at **CERTAIN BOX STORE** much but for things such as these that are grossly overpriced elsewhere and usually impractical as well (huge, hardcover, gold-embossed and covered with flowers and inspirational sayings—who uses those??).

I used to prefer the “perpetual” type of planner—the ones that have the dates and months blank so you can fill them in yourself—because I like the free-form aspect of it, and not wasting paper. But I’ve since come around to the other kind because I’ve realized it takes a lot less time and thinking when the pages are already labeled for you, and you can write stuff straight onto specific days way in advance, which is helpful.

But one thing I am firm on is that you must get the kind with full pages for each day, none of this week-a-page business, so there’s plenty of space to put in lots of information and notes. 

If you can find all this somewhere that doesn’t cost $30 at least, good for you, but in my town it’s the **CERTAIN BOX STORE**.

Look, if you like over-large fancy planners, fine, I just feel you might be less likely to carry it around with you everywhere if you can barely fit it in your bag and it takes up an entire café table. You want something that is reasonably convenient to bring around with you so you can have it when you need to check a date or write something down. 

Okay, okay — so how do you use it?

Right. Here’s my step-by-step planner process that I’ve stuck with after a lot of trial-and-error, and still do now without too many variations.

Psyche!!!……tune in to my next blog post to find out about my process.