dopamine (or, holy shit it’s really not my fault)

We can’t talk about ADHD without talking about dopamine, and honestly once you understand it and start to see how it’s dictating a LOT of your behaviour every single day, it’s kind of hard to un-see.

Dopamine is what motivates us (by “us” I mean every single human being on the planet) to do stuff. To do literally anything, from brushing our teeth to launching a business to learning a language to doing school work. Going shopping for groceries? Dopamine. Writing an essay? Dopamine. Applying for a job? Dopamine. 

As the silly animals that we are, we need dopamine to survive, because it provides the inner reward system that keeps us going from one task to the next so that we can function in society and not get killed or pushed out of the tribe. It’s a primal thing. And guess what: when we’re neurodivergent, our dopamine receptors don’t work like the majority of the population. So everything is designed for neurotypical brain functioning. Which explains why we’re always behind and seemingly fucking up our jobs and lives. We’re tripping over life because it’s not framed for us.  

All the impulsive behaviour over the years, the crippling boredom at work, the addictions, the nonsensical decisions, the tendency to overeat or overshop, or overdo anything—the dropped projects, the abandoned hobbies, the dishes in the sink and the “doom piles”… it’s all because your pre-frontal cortex, where all the really important shit happens, is absolutely starved for dopamine. 

A note here. This is where disability comes into play. When we talk about neurodivergent folks having a “deficiency” in dopamine, it’s important to note that our brains aren’t deficient, they’ve simply evolved differently than the majority of the human race’s did — hence the term “neurotypical”. But the thing is our brains are deficient - within in the context of the neurotypical world. Regardless of whether it’s correct or not to call it a disability (which is constantly up for debate), or why, the way our brains are designed dis-able us from being able to function and navigate the world without help, in the form of medication, counselling, accommodations, and acceptance. Yeah, that sucks, that we can’t just freely exist and thrive the way neurotypicals can. But it’s the way it is, right now, until our world becomes more accommodating and inclusive. Which is going to take awhile, so in the meantime, shall we learn about dopamine?

This isn’t made up. Research has proven that our dopamine reception genetic systems just aren’t built for boring shit — that’s not what we’re meant to be doing. Which is exactly why we struggle so hard work and general life admin too. We’re meant to be doing the fun, creative awesome stuff. But the tragic part is that most of us don’t know that until it’s kind of too late.

See, our pleasure responses, and our ability to keep attention to things that aren’t absolutely fascinating, are practically nonexistent. That’s not our job, our brains say, and tell us to go research for ten hours about Ben Folds Five. See — we have that capability, to focus and work on stuff dedicatedly — it just has to be something we genuinely find interesting.

So this is why even when we really, really have to do something, if it’s not interesting to us, we just can’t fucking do it. The rewards that NT folk get in the form of dopamine for doing literally anything they need to do to survive and for things that don’t, too, our brains are just like, “Nah I’m good, what’s on TV?”

It’s kind of a curse, but also kind of awesome if you think about it, right? It gives us the permission we need to just actually do what we really want to do. Unfortunately if we’re late diagnosed, that means we’re probably pretty entrenched in our current careers and identities, whatever that may be. Just “doing what we want to do” would be nothing short of blowing up our entire lives.

It’s not laziness, or lack of ambition, which you may have been telling yourself your entire life (because other people have told you that — why wouldn’t you believe them?). It’s your brain not getting the chemical it needs to compel your body to get up and actually do the things you need to do.

You might want, or need, to do something. You know that, you want to do it. You know how important it is. Doesn’t mean you’re going to do it.

So how does our lack of dopamine effect our daily functioning? Well, in every possible way.

In my next post I’m going to talk about executive functioning, and the dopamine connection, and why it so often feels like we’re being driven by mad stranger in our brains that’s hell bent on making us fail.